Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
