Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
