Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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