my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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