My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
