DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
