At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
