dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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