R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
