somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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