when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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