so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
