rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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