My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
