wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
