Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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