Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
