You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
