Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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