this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
