Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.