i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Floor bacon is actually really good
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
