TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
