Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
