im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Randomize