my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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