I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
