So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
