I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
