a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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