mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
