And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
