I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
