u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
