umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
