yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
