he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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