I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
