I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
