My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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