True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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