You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Randomize
