Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
