I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
