I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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