no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
