Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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