I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
