Yo dont text me then not text me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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