are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
