She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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