The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
