Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
