Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
