Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
