I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
