You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think my moral compass just broke
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
