Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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