Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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