that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
