my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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