Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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