I wish I could teleport
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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