Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
