marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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