im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize