I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
