I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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