Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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