So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
