I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
