maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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