My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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