her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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