I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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