Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
