I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
