I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
