dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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