I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
