thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
