I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
