Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
