okay pat passed out under dana's car
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
