**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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