i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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