Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
