All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
